I recognized the anguish, helplessness, and confusion in a
friend’s Facebook post when she shared that a colleague of hers had very
unexpectedly taken her own life. I instantly went into “helping” mode – sending her a barrage of advice on how to cope with this tragedy. I know the feelings very well.
I lost my mother to suicide when I was 29. She took her own
life after more than ten years of struggling with recurrent depression. Though
it happened decades ago, at reading my friend’s post it was suddenly very fresh
in my mind – the immediate, acute sense of loss and overwhelming sorrow,
quickly followed by the guilt, the regret, and the second-guessing those left
behind wrestle with in trying to make sense out of what appears on the surface
to be a very senseless act.
The emotional after-effects of suicide on loved ones can be long-lasting and devastating. Much of that is due to the sense of shame, regret, and
self-blame. I have learned this firsthand. But in the decades I have had to try
to reconcile these feelings, I have also learned that ultimately they are a burden that is not ours to bear. I hope that by sharing my journey I can
help others let these feelings go.
An additional after-effect of suicide is that people
tend to remember and define the person they lost by how they died rather than by
how they lived and who they were. In Left Behind, I break through this barrier
by telling the story of who my mother was in my eyes – a brilliant, talented,
beautiful, thoughtful person and loving mother. This is how I want her to be
remembered.
Lastly, Left Behind is an opportunity to bring to fruition
an ambition my mother had in life but was not able to fulfill – sharing her
formal written works with the world. A profound thinker, my mother created a
small portfolio of writings that included social commentary, poetry, and other
topical and philosophical pieces. By devoting a portion of the book to her
compelling writings as well as incorporating some of them into my narrative, I hope
to bring my mother to life for her family, friends, and others.
I hope you will read my book, and after reading it, add your thoughts and comments here.
